Filed under: Personal
There is an image of myself that resides in my head…I’ll call her Ideal Chelsea for lack of a more original name. Ideal Chelsea embodies everything I feel I should be. She is never awkward, always popular, rarely rude and immediately good at everything she puts her hand to. She is never misunderstood, is always strong and is always right. And she’s always in control and has the solution to every problem, big or small.
Ideal Chelsea has it all together because she’s imaginary and imaginary people often do. But, the truth of the matter is, I will never be able to be Ideal Chelsea.
Nor should I strive to be her. Ideal Chelsea is not reality. She’s an image of what I feel I should be able to accomplish on my strength. She is not Christ-like; she is a glorified image of what I feel I can do to better myself by taking control. She is the embodiment of a cycle of pride and defeat.
I have this image in my head and it is of me – not Christ. But, the Bible says I’m to strive to be like Him, not a glorified version of myself. To do that, there is no other way than to rely on Him. I can always tell myself I’ll be able to achieve the rank of Ideal Chelsea if I just strive a little more. I know I can never be like Christ without His grace. That’s the point, really. One is entirely centered on me and my strength and works; the other gives all the glory of redemption to God.
I want to do away with Ideal Chelsea once and for all. With her, I have the false hope that, one day, I’ll make things better. Without her, it’s just me in all my hopelessness relying on Jesus. And, that’s what I want. Truly.
I do have a blog, don’t I?
Perhaps I should explain why I’ve gone from blogging as I did a mere year ago (one to three posts a day!) to the current situation now. I find that I share almost too much with the world. I actually purged my blog about a year ago as a result of this. This place had become a journal, a place where I could unabashedly share my opinions, something to record my thoughts, hopes, dreams and ideas. And, while thoughts, hopes, dreams and ideas are all things I still have, and while I still hold opinions (far too many, really), I tend to tell these things to people I know in person. Or my journal. I feel strange posting personal ponderings here now. In fact, I have written a surprising amount of almost-posts over the past year which I never published because I realized I would much rather write it in my journal or share it with a close friend.
So, this may be destined to become one of those sparsely-used blogs, begun with the best of intentions and eventually forgotten about. Also, quite honestly, God’s been working on my tendency toward narcissism. My opinions are worth very little in the scheme of things, and I think it might be a good thing for me to practise restraint in sharing them. Refraining from spewing my every thought via the Internet is certainly a step.
So, though I will probably keep this place open and even post from time to time, let me just say that it is not the same place it used to be.
I registered for the classes I want without regard to the times of the classes. Therefore, I have a class schedule like this:
8am to 9:20am – Algebra
9:30am to 11am – Chemistry
1pm to 3:40pm (approx.) – Chemistry lab (Tuesdays only)
5:40pm to 7:10pm – Ballet
Which means, on Thursdays and Tuesdays when I don’t have a lab (such as today), I have…six and a half hours between my classes.
I’m taking one online class that doesn’t start until April (it’s a half-term) and I’m trying my best to get into another online class just so I’ll have things to do (and knock out my English requirements for med school…woo-hoo!). But, since it’s the first day of school and class basically consists of teacher introductions and syllabi overview, I have nothing to do (other than a tiny bit of chemistry homework). Nothing.
I need to think of creative ways to spend my time while I wait for the workload to pick up. Ideas anyone?
I just found out that my anatomy credits from the summer count as the biology requirement for the med school I want to go to…I’m so excited! No more biology (unless I have to take it for my bachelor’s…but, I’m still trying to figure out what that is…)!
Filed under: Personal | Tags: bachelor's, blog, Chelsea, college, journal, life, school
I am, in fact, still on this earth and breathing…I just…haven’t been blogging much because…I journal? I don’t really know.
Um…I’m really just finishing up my winter break…excited about my last semester at community college (real university, here I come!)…I’m a little weirded out by the fact that all my friends from high school are getting their bachelor’s degrees this year…and, then I remember…I went to Bible school for two years…yep, that’ll throw off the schooling timeline a bit.
This past week has been more…quiet than not…I haven’t had much to say…much to think…which an entirely foreign concept to me. Also…when I have something that I consider blogging about…I generally decide halfway through that I prefer to write it in my journal…maybe share with a couple close friends in a controlled environment, rather than with the world. I’m becoming a more private person. Who knew?
My dad thinks he’s drunk. My mom thinks he’s on muscle relaxers. I say crack. And, also, I think I’m going to start using, “And then the COLD FRONT CAME THROUGH!” as some sort of indication that something has gone horribly amiss.
Click here, scroll down a tiny bit a click the Play button on the player to the right of the page.
Edit: Apparently, Accuweather likes to severely disappoint me by changing their videos after midnight every night. I’ve actually emailed them to see if they have archives, ’cause this is definitely my favorite video right now…
Filed under: Personal, school | Tags: ballet, break, chemistry, Christmas, God, me, Michigan, phone, trust, update, winter
♣ Jens and I are writing a book. It shall be amazing.
♣ I was going to Michigan for part of winter break. Now I’m not.
♣ I should undoubtedly be studying for chemistry right now.
♣ My ballet recital was less than perfect. But my friends and family still love me, anyway.
♣ I miss getting letters in the mail.
♣ I have finally found jeans that fit me properly. No more baggy-thighed bootcuts…I found some magical brand that offers a skinny bootcut…just what I needed, since, according to blue jeans manufacturers, my thighs are proportionally whacked out.
♣ I have discovered that, no matter how well you research and plan, sending iced cupcakes through the United States Postal Service may not turn out the way you want it to.
♣ I’m getting a new phone.
♣ I am coming to terms with the fact that I don’t get to see what’s happening behind the scenes in my life. And…I think that’s okay, because it forces a greater trust of God than knowing everything about what’s going on.
♣ I have one more day of the semester. I think I will spend the break cowriting books and filming pseudo documentaries. And watching lots of Christmas movies. And praying more. And maybe setting goals. I like goals.
Filed under: school | Tags: ballet, chemistry, end of the semester, panic, school, study
I have…
118 hours to cram as many chemistry facts in my brain as possible
23 hours to get a dance perfect
6 hours to learn how to put fake eyelashes on
and
Approximately 2 hours before I break down and start crying because none of the above is happening.
Happy end of the semester, everyone!
EDIT: Typically, when I’m this stressed out about a class, I calculate the lowest grade I can make on the final and still pass. In this case, if I get a 55, I’ll still have a B. I’m slightly less stressed now.
Filed under: Personal | Tags: Bella, books, Cullen, Edward, entertainment, movie, Twilight
I heard about the Twilight craze a few months ago and read some chapters of the various books online. Though intrigued by the Cullen family and their various quirks, I honestly didn’t think the writing in the pieces I read was anything to write home about and the obsession between Bella and Edward for each other is downright disfunctional. Despite all of this, I decided to go see the movie.
It was absolutely terrible. Though the actors were pretty ((particularly Robert Pattinson…)), the acting was subpar, the script was contrived and the special effects were trite. The film is cheesy in the worst ways possible.
I loved every minute of it. I don’t even know why. I even laughed at parts that were supposed to be dead serious, and yet I still liked the characters, was still drawn into the story. I kinda want to go see it again.
Please note: this does not mean I’ll be touching the books, even with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole. But, the movie is something I like…in spite of it’s ridiculousness. Actually, maybe it’s because it’s so ridiculous. I don’t know. Regardless, I am a fan of the movie. Just don’t go around telling people that.
Filed under: Personal, Storytime | Tags: ACE bandage, ankle, ballet, strain, stupid
I strained my ankle doing stupid dancey things. Actually, I have two theories for how it happened:
1. I was waiting for my dad after school ((I sound like I’m in third grade…really, I’m in college…just, no car)) and was dancing randomly and decided that then would be a good time to test out my ankles and hop on the tips of my toes pointe-style…in sneakers. Probably not a good idea.
2. I did 240 eleves ((similar to calf raises, only in ballet positions…)).
I’m leaning toward the second thing. So, anyway, over the last week, my ankle had gotten better. Today, I hopped out of bed and was excited because it felt totally better, which means I can stop taking it easy and practice dance some more during the week. And…then…
I chased Marshie down the stairs. For some reason, the pounding down the stairs made my ankle hurt worse than before. So, on went the ACE bandage.
I have to say, I am highly appreciative of ACE bandages. They offer a suprising amount of support for an injured ankle. And, although mine is currently digging into my Achilles tendon, that’s because I put it on incorrectly, I think.
Anyway, hopefully this whole thing will clear up soon. Until then, I’m rocking the ACE bandage.
