Filed under: Personal
There is an image of myself that resides in my head…I’ll call her Ideal Chelsea for lack of a more original name. Ideal Chelsea embodies everything I feel I should be. She is never awkward, always popular, rarely rude and immediately good at everything she puts her hand to. She is never misunderstood, is always strong and is always right. And she’s always in control and has the solution to every problem, big or small.
Ideal Chelsea has it all together because she’s imaginary and imaginary people often do. But, the truth of the matter is, I will never be able to be Ideal Chelsea.
Nor should I strive to be her. Ideal Chelsea is not reality. She’s an image of what I feel I should be able to accomplish on my strength. She is not Christ-like; she is a glorified image of what I feel I can do to better myself by taking control. She is the embodiment of a cycle of pride and defeat.
I have this image in my head and it is of me – not Christ. But, the Bible says I’m to strive to be like Him, not a glorified version of myself. To do that, there is no other way than to rely on Him. I can always tell myself I’ll be able to achieve the rank of Ideal Chelsea if I just strive a little more. I know I can never be like Christ without His grace. That’s the point, really. One is entirely centered on me and my strength and works; the other gives all the glory of redemption to God.
I want to do away with Ideal Chelsea once and for all. With her, I have the false hope that, one day, I’ll make things better. Without her, it’s just me in all my hopelessness relying on Jesus. And, that’s what I want. Truly.
